Thanks to the world of Spotify I learned that Delerium has released a new album, Music Box Opera, and things are right in the world again. While trying to write the quota for the day, I easily diverted my attention to search for new music and discovered the album, released five days ago. Timing is everything. After some more procrastination, I was able to add a few more lines to the (currently, unformed) novel.
What follows are excerpts from the blah blah that is pouring out of me. In no particular order, with no shape, and I don’t even want to give it a name, or a synopsis. I just decided to trust the world with some of my ramblings. No comments are needed…this is only part of this process.
I like to burn things. I like the smell of the sulphur and the warmth of knowing it might just be a disaster, but I am in control of it. That I can make it glow bright, dim dark, or put it out if I want. No one is sane, we are all not normal, and the definitions of these things are becoming too necessary for our well-being, our ability to function and make a living in the world, that there must be a better way to share the experiences so that we are not feared or destroyed at the birth of our understanding.
There was only one way to ensure that Anton would come to the sessions. If there was enough music for him to choose from, to explore the millions of songs and artists, notes, and expansive options that exist in the ether, then he was happy. Almost every genre, and certainly more than ever before, is available to search, download, or sample. Anton had so many things swirling around his head that his connection to music was the only way to trigger the memories that he could not pull out without their help. So many things about his life, his existence, and the people who affected him were tied up in the notes of songs in every language of the world. Dr Mason was pleased that they had finally figured this out, before it had become something that the judge was going to use against Anton. Now at least he could write notes about their sessions with confidence that they were making some progress. That Anton was finally able to ease his way into the process and share some of the experiences long forgotten. Or not known. Or potentially the things that never happened. But it did not matter what category it fell into as there were so many interesting parallels between Dr Mason and Anton’s lives that sometimes he thought he should take himself off the case.
Perhaps doctors should have a loyalty stamp card. For every 10 sessions, where I fool you into thinking I am here to help you stop being crazy, get one free pass! A bottle of wine, a hit of acid, whatever you need to send you back to the crazy, to keep you from getting well.
The act of watching and noticing (labeling), changes the individual being watched or noticed. Shoving pills down the throats, shooting them up with antipsychotics only changes the whole again. It will never be the same, it will change you forever, and although we are convinced this is for the best, and it can be a good thing, sometimes it is not the only way to exist or subsist in the world. When there were few, when we were alone on the plains or just surviving together, did anyone notice our sadness then? Did it exist, or was it not required as there were more important things to do? If we took every individual in time, and were able to watch the movie of the inner and outer workings of their existence, would there be an answer? No.