Restrict the Background Data

My battery was draining too quickly on my new smartphone and a solution I found suggested restricting the background data on the apps. It works and this morning I realized I need to do the same thing with my brain.

Since I decided to really commit myself to writing for real, including this blog, some feelings, and a new understanding, have developed about my place on this planet, especially now that I am geographically removed from so many people. While I know my friends in Vancouver love and miss me, the truth is that if you are not there, you are not part of their everyday lives anymore. And I chose to leave. Yup, I did. And many of my friends who I cherish are not big communicators so the following should not be a surprise. But it still hurts.

I sent an email to over 50 people who, 3 years ago told me wanted to keep in touch and hear about life in Sweden. 2 people responded (but have not signed up for my blog). Then I figured out where I could send invitations directly and 2 out of 20 good and close friends responded (thank you R and N!). I posted a plea on Facebook, and 3 people responded, but none of them signed up to support me. I am not sure how to feel about this. The logical part of my brain says, well, perhaps they did not realize these requests were from me, even though I sent it first using my personal email. Or, perhaps it got put into junk mail..or, everyone just gets too many emails so it got missed. Mostly I am just trying not to take it personally.

At this point in my rant, I must also thank my Swedish friends (T, C, and G, plus the big C) who responded right away.

Logically, I do understand about my friends in Vancouver. Emotionally, I am really quite sad. Not crushed, not devastated, not angry, nothing like that. Just plain sad. It means that I am gone. That I am background data. Or perhaps I need to think of this as background data, and restrict it for the time being as it is draining my energy and probably just trying to sell me stuff I don’t need, like additional chargers and online dating services. Yup. Since my friends are not signed up for this blog, I can say whatever I want about them! Or maybe, this is also part of the process of the homesickness fading from my body?

Today I am 45 and the gift to myself is this reminder:

Most of the stuff in my brain is background data that needs to be restricted. New things can be downloaded, but old corrupt data must be debugged and the grey mushy matter reformatted. Focus on the new friends you can find in the blogging world. The rest will follow when ready.


4 thoughts on “Restrict the Background Data

  1. Hi, very well put. We went through the same realization recently. And it is also the case where we were the ones to leave in the one instance, but also our best friend from SA decided to go to Australia. And the reality is despite your best intentions, if you are not part of someone’s daily/weekly or even monthly routine; it becomes very difficult keeping contact with people. Facebook helps but is so impersonal. This blog is brilliant because it deals on a far more personal matter. Keep it up.
    And again (see FB) congratulations on your birthday. May it be a blessed day and hopefully we get to see you guys soon.
    Jacques & Tina

  2. Hey, my lovely chickie. Happy Birthday and many happy returns! I hope the sun is shining on you in Sweden.
    Regarding your blog, I think many of the reasons you give are possibilities (spam folder, lack of recognition due to no Amanda in the title, the fact that FB can be an overwhelming place to communicate), but also there is just the human procrastination factor. Speaking from experience, there are many people that I love and think about and intend to connect with and then life slips by so quickly…

  3. Please don’t ever stop writing! Helps me understand you better! I also enjoy reding what you have to day! From one thing to another! Did you know that He was born in 1930??!! Don’t think I Will lick the tevescreen anymore! Puss & kram and I hope you have a great day!!!!

  4. Happy Birthday Friend! Believe me when I say that you are NOT background data! I think of you often and when you aren’t at our bashes you are sadly missed and your name ALWAYS comes up! Missing you in Vancouver!

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